Books by Dr. M
Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? How to Have Fun, Survive the Preteen Years, and Remain True to Yourself
Kids
— February 1, 2026 —
Both of my best friends left my school, so now I hang out with a good friend who I have known since preschool. Her best friend joins us too. But her friend and I are very different people, she's an introvert, and I am an extrovert. She's very shy and easily stressed out. In the past, she has pulled me away from my friends, but I have learned to say no to that. Other times she has lied about things, and she refuses to be "It" in games we play, saying it would stress her out too much. Yet she still participates and makes someone else be "It" when she gets tagged! I find this quite annoying and unfair. She also spends so much time with me, which I don't want. I want to hang out with my friend from preschool. She follows me around everywhere, and I just feel like I never get time alone. When I walk into school, she stands behind me and then asks some stupid question with an obvious answer. At recess, she always wants to hang out with me. The good thing is that when we hang out, it's always my two awesome friends, including the one I wanted to hang out with in the first place—but lately she's been playing soccer at recess, leaving me alone with her friend. When I am around her friend, it doesn't feel right. The only thing that makes me feel better is when my friend comes to hang out with us, so I don't feel like I am drowning. I always say yes to her friend because she is sensitive and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't think that is going to get me anywhere. I know that I should stand up to her, but what if she gets upset and starts to cry? I would feel horrible! But how could I go on like this? I'm worried she's spending an increasing amount of time with me when I want to just hang out with my other friends. I'm scared, and this is causing me a lot of stress, and I don't want 5th grade to be ruined just because of her. Please help me.
— Anna, 10
You're stressed because you're sensitive to the feelings of the girl who follows you around. My advice to you is you can be firm and kind at the same time. Tell her you enjoy spending time with her, but you want to spend time with your other friends sometimes too. Introduce her to caring friends you think will get along with her. Play with her and other friends in a fun game. Remember you're not responsible for her reactions, as long as you're compassionate when you talk to her.
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— December 12, 2025 —
I'm going through a tough time right now and am stressed everyday. Sometimes I can go days without eating. I try to talk to my parents about it, but they say I'm overreacting. The only place I feel safe is at school. I've tried to find hobbies or things that I can do when I feel stressed. One of the hobbies I have picked up is swimming but some of my classmates have been telling me I'm too fat to swim and that I should just stick to being the fat girl no one likes. Some of my close friends have even started to tell me to lose weight. I get that I'm a bit on the chubby side, but I have no idea why they are doing this to me. I have thought many times about committing suicide. I don't know what to do.
— Depressed,11
Swimming is a great hobby for everyone, so do your best to ignore the mean comments from your classmates about your body. It's too bad your parents' reaction is that you're overreacting—that's not a very helpful response at all. Contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 
988 where you can get advice about your feelings and how to respond to bullies. At school, you can also seek help from a guidance counselor, a psychologist, or a social worker. Please write back, informing us what and how you're doing. We care about you.
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— October 27, 2025 —
So, I'm in middle school, and I have a crush on a boy who is shorter than me. I think he likes me too. I really want to tell him I like him, but I'm nervous. It'll be weird since I'm so much taller. I mean, it's only like four inches, but still! I'm also worried that I might be wrong and he doesn't like me back! How can I tell him how I feel without it being weird? Help!
— Nervous, 12
Boys grow taller later than girls do. So, the four-inch difference in height now might disappear in a few years. Besides if you like this boy, give him a chance to accept or reject you. After all, you like him for more than his height. It might feel weird to tell this boy you like him—but feeling weird is better than ignoring your feelings. If he rejects you, you'll have your answer. The embarrassment will be short-lived, while being true to your feelings is an essential life-long endeavor. Developing your poise and resilience is something you should always be proud of.
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— August 23, 2025 —
Hi, first of all, I want to say thank you for reading my letter. Now I will tell you why I am writing to you. Lately, I've been feeling uncomfortable in my own skin—both literally and metaphorically. I have an unusual mix of ancestry. On my mom's side, I have Russian, Iranian, French, and Belgian. On my dad's side, I have Prussian, Irish, and Native Canadian/American. The mix of skin tones makes my light olive skin look weird when I tan, and I always feel like people are looking at me. In fact, I always feel so different everywhere I go. No color seems to look good on me, and that makes me even more insecure. I've never found any real color online, no colors of art materials that look like my skin color.
I'm different in other ways, too. About a year ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. It makes me feel so different. And please don't say things like "Be kind to yourself" and "Practice affirmations and breathing". Everyone I ask says something like that, and it doesn't work. I don't need lame advice like that. I need real advice.
— Cecelia, 12
You are dealing with a lot of different issues—your recent diagnoses of ADHD and autism as well as the mix of skin tones that makes it hard to find the colors that compliment you. I hope I can give you advice that will work for you. Do some research about color theory—skin tone is the color that you are matching, so start with a websearch on "best colors for light olive skin." This will give you a lot of ideas for how colors work together and help you locate tones that will look good on you. Experiment with a variety of colors—which should be fun to do and invite a friend to join you.
In terms of your recent diagnoses, ask a teacher or a guidance counselor if you are entitled to get extra time for when you're taking exams or preparing papers. Ask about classes or workshops to teach you social skills. Your parents may be familiar with other resources at school and in your community.
That's enough to get you started. I don't want you feel overwhelmed. You have plenty of time to try out different ideas.
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— July 10, 2025 —
I have this thing where my glasses make my eyes look huge, and if I take them off my lazy eye is quite noticeable. I feel so self-conscious any time I must take off my glasses (even to like, clean them or change for gym class), and sometimes people make comments about how big my eyes look. How can I stop feeling so weird about it every time?
— Danielle, 11
Everyone is sensitive about a part of their bodies—even when nobody notices it. In your case, peers make comments about how big your eyes look. I have a couple of pieces of advice for you. First, consider some other types of eyeglasses since they might make a difference in how your eyes look, and talk to your parents about trying on some. Second, focus on the fact that people are generally self-conscious about one or two aspects of their appearance—even celebrities—so you are not unusual in being self-conscious. While you're sensitive about how your eyes look to other people, if you start to pay attention to your other desirable qualities such as your personality, kindness, and sense of humor, you may stop feeling weird about your eyes.
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— June 18, 2025 —
What should I do? I've been friends with someone for a long time who has taken up a new friend group and is now leaving me out when I try to join in with them.
— Camillia, 10
The next time your friend leaves you out, be brave and ask her why she's doing that. Remind her that your friendship has lasted a long time and you understand why she wants to expand her circle of friends, but you would like to remain friends with her. Her answer will tell you what you need to know—whether she's open to maintaining her friendship with you or whether she sees it as a thing of the past.
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— May 4, 2025 —
I've been struggling with procrastination for the past several months. My grades have been dropping. My usual 90's have fallen to 80's and even 70's. I feel very stressed when trying to finish assignments with little to no time. My parents aren't happy at all with my current marks. I feel pressured by them and disappointed that I can't do well enough. How can I reduce my stress and lower my parent's expectations?
— Anonymous, 13
It sounds like you are feeling underwhelmed with your life and overwhelmed with your work! Sometimes people judge themselves unfairly, neglect to be nice to themselves and create stress by not looking at the whole picture of tasks. And to make matters worse, they make themselves feel bad by calling themselves names, like lazy. If this seems like you, recognize that you should give yourself a chance to be successful.
Here is what I suggest: The same day as you get an assignment, look it over later in the day to review the work and break it into "do-able" tasks. When a task could be considered "done," think of it as a milestone towards completing the assignment. Next, look at a calendar to see how much time you have overall to finish your assignment. Then locate each milestone on the calendar by estimating the time needed for each task and the date the assignment is due. This way you will know what you need to work towards and how quickly you need to get things done in advance of the deadline. Using this strategy will help relieve a lot of the pressure—and dread. So don't forget to put your calendar where you can continually review your progress!
Figure out a way to reward your daily efforts. For example, place your favorite snack or treat where you can see it while you are working; once a task is done, sit back and thoroughly enjoy your treat! You can create bigger rewards for larger successes (for example, completed tasks). For example, you can reward yourself by making time with friends on the weekend, going out to a movie, or having an ice cream.
If you still find it hard to motivate yourself, ask your teacher or school guidance counselor for help and other suggestions. Applying yourself to working out a solution will certainly reduce your stress. If your parents are still disappointed, you can explain what you are doing to improve your grades, and ask for their support and assistance, too.
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— April 10, 2025 —
Hi. I have this friend sitting next to me every day at my academy. I want to sit next to other people and learn about them. I want to tell this to my friend, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. What should I say?
— Popular, 11
Be honest with your friend—she deserves that from you. Explain that you would like to learn about other classmates, and the simplest way to do that is for you to change seats every day or two or three times a week. Reassure your friend that you still value your relationship with her, and sitting next to someone else will give her an opportunity to learn about the lives of other people. Continue to be warm and friendly with your loyal classmate.
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— February 19, 2025 —
I have a serious problem. My brother has been very scary recently. I know that you probably think that he's trying to give me the chills and means no harm—but no—that boy has had therapy two times and is really violent. I'm really annoying to him because I'm loud and bright and that's something he hates the most! I have gone through things that people in school think are only in American horror stories. Now I'm getting scared because we are at the age that we're allowed to be home alone, just the two of us. I'm afraid that he's going to hurt me when the time comes. I really need some advice. I would tell my girlfriend from school. I just need all my problems to go away. I don't want to tell my parents because they already have a lot to deal with and since they are divorced I have even less time to talk to them. For example, my sister just got sent to a hospital, and my mum needs to see her 3 times a week at least, and my dad has 2 young kids to deal with. I just really need to vent, and I need advice! Please reply soon!
— A, 10
I feel so bad for you since you're in such a scary situation. Your parents need to be told what you've described to me. Your brother has mental health and behavioral issues, and you shouldn't be alone with him without adult supervision. Going to therapy twice is not good enough—he needs long-term help. Is there anyone else who lives nearby who can help your parents out—maybe an adult family friend or a relative? If your parents don't take you seriously (which they should), please talk to a guidance counselor, a trusted teacher, a school psychologist or social worker. They will likely take action since your brother might not intend to harm you, but he could hurt you.
Please write back what you decided to do and how you and your family are getting along now.
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— December 21, 2024 —
Recently I have been a bit bossy to my friends. How can I make up for it?
— Bad Friend, 9
Start by apologizing to your friends. Then figure out why you were bossy. Were you angry with them? Did you resent them for their actions? Did you feel left out when they were talking about or doing something that you didn't understand or were not interested in? Once you figure out the source of your bossiness, you will be able to move away from that kind of behavior.
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— October 27, 2024 —
Hello, I go to school and am in the top classes and in the Gifted & Talented program. I usually get good scores on tests, usually 85% or higher. But when I don't get that, my mother acts disappointed and tells me that I need to improve. Otherwise, she says, my school won't 'notice me' or will think I'm not trying. Sometimes I'm happy with my mark but my mother isn't—for example I got a 75 on a religion test which I was quite proud of because it was hard, but my mother said I needed to try harder, or the school would think I'm stupid. One time I got a 90 on a math test and I was extremely happy but when I told my mother she said, "Oh, that should be higher, you are good at maths." I get upset because usually I'm happy and then when I tell her my mark, she disses it and makes me sad. She seems to believe in me—she tells me I'm good at learning, but she never gives the impression she's happy with my results unless I'm better than all the other students. I always try my hardest but when there's things I can't do, it seems like her faith in me decreases. What do I do?
— Presh, 12
It's time for you to have an honest conversation with your mom. Give her a couple of examples that you included in your letter. Tell her that even when you worked very hard and achieved a 90, it's discouraging to be told that your effort and skill were not enough. Perhaps she thinks her reaction will inspire you to work harder, but instead it discourages you. Hopefully, this conversation will allow both of you to understand the other's perspective. If that doesn't work, think of a trusted adult family member or friend who can talk to your mother. You need someone on your side who understands what you're going through and can convince your mother that her approach is misguided.
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— September 22, 2024 —
I have this friend, she's really sweet but she has family problems. Her dad is abusive, like if she gets bad grades or isn't good at something, she gets slapped. One time her dad actually broke her finger. Her mom is really sweet and sometimes her dad hits her mom after he drinks. She has a little sister whom she wants to protect, but the dad favors the little sister over my friend, which makes her depressed. Her parents had an arranged marriage so they really didn't love each other but in India, divorce isn't really normal and people are afraid of the judgment in their community after the divorce. I want to help but she doesn't want to call Child Protective Services or the police. How do I help my good friend?
— Friend, 12
It's very difficult to watch someone living in an abusive situation, and you've been both a good friend, and a validating witness to the details occurring in her home. That's already important help to your good friend. And now you've reached out for guidance, so let us point you in a direction that will help both of you begin making change.
If your friend or one of her family members is in immediate danger, you should call 911 without hesitation. Outside of that, neither you, nor your friend has to call the police or report the situation to Child Protective Services. Either or both of you should get in touch with the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline, which helps children and adults regarding abusive situations. Call or text (800)422-4453. or chat live on the site with counselors (and there's a quick-exit button so the site can easily shut down if the wrong person is looking over your shoulder).
Please keep in touch regarding the situation; we care very much about our readers.
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— August 24, 2024 —
Hi. I'm Japanese, and I lived in America for 5 years. Now I'm back in Japan and everything is so hard. I can't understand Japanese when they are talking so fast, I miss my friends, and school is so hard. And my parents are not helping! My dad always wants to cuddle with me, like I'm a baby. I pull away, but he keeps doing it. I know he means no harm, but I don't know. And my mom is just always talking about math, and making me do it, and it feels bad. I don't know if it's just a mood swing, or not, but help me!
— Help, 12
I understand how tough it is for you to live in one place for such a long time and then to move to another country with a very different educational system and cultural norms. To complicate your life further, your father is treating you like a baby, and your mother is focusing to an extreme degree on math. It's time for you to talk to your parents about the difficult situation you're in and what they can do differently to make your transition a little easier. Start by saying that you understand they mean well and have your best interests in mind. But tell them that you would like them to try to understand your viewpoint and how difficult this change has been for you.
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— August 13, 2024 —
So I've been going through a tough time. I've been so stressed and I cry every day. My mom has bad anger issues, she throws so much stuff around, and I am sometimes really scared. I wanna kill myself and be with god if he is even real, so I need help. I might be depressed—I like school more than home. I wanna live in school since I hate home. I like my dad, but I wish my mom died. I just want a friend to live next to me so I can be happy. But yeah, and I wish I had a happy life. I feel like my mom hates me, so I need help. Can you help me? Sometimes I punch myself and cut myself. It helps me take out my anger. I just want my parents to divorce because I hate my mom like I want a new one.
— Sad, 12
I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. It may be hard to recognize from the inside looking out, but it sounds like you are in crisis and have been for some time. I suggest you call 988, the Suicide Prevention Lifeline to talk about your feelings with a professional who can help you now.
In the meanwhile, you need someone with skills to guide you on an ongoing basis. Consider services that you may have access to, and reach out to make the connection with a counselor at school or in your community, where you can get the help and support you need. It may also be that your parents have insurance coverage for therapy services. And in addition to therapy for you, it is worth suggesting to them that you could use family therapy as well to work out your challenges at home.
On that note, I suggest talking with your dad about your hopelessness and self-harming. He has probably noticed some of this, and it would be good to develop your connection with him. Additionally, although your mom has bad anger issues and scares you very much, I would suggest finding a moment when you can empathize and start a light conversation with her because it will help shift your relationship. At 12, you are no longer a little child, but growing into a teen. Hopefully she will be interested in what you have to say, and if the opportunity seems right, you can suggest the idea of family therapy because it will help her. I suspect that she is having a hard time, too, and doesn't know how to handle her anger aside from throwing things, and therapy would provide other ways to explore her feelings without damaging the house and everyone around her.
I hope this advice is helpful. Please let us know how you are doing in the future.
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